It's so easy to get stuck in our story, that sometimes we fail to see our reality
I used to be so attached to my “story”. I would tell it everywhere I went. I wore my story like a badge on honour. As soon as someone started to talk to me, I would instantly tell them my story. “I have a brain disease” “I have no support” “I have fibromyalgia” “I have blah blah blah”. But since spending so much time working on myself, my mind and my health, I’ve become very aware of this with both myself and with people around me.
The harsh reality is this; People don’t care about your story. Everyone has their own story. And frankly, no one really cares about yours. Yours is no better. No worse. No sadder. No happier. It’s just your story. But when we get stuck on our own stories, we often become so consumed by it, that we think everyone should care about it as much as we do. But once I stopped letting my story define me, my story began to change. I don’t think of myself as being “sick”. Some days I am unwell, but I’m not defined as “sick” anymore. I believe this is the first step to changing your life and making your world a better one.
So how do you know when it’s time to stop living in your story, and start living in your reality?
Well. this is a tough one. Because it takes strength and humility and courage and self love to actually see your own bullshit. But if you find yourself saying “I can’t do that because…” Stop yourself right there. That’s a self limiting belief that you “can’t” achieve something, because of your story. When Turia Pitt was burnt beyond recognition in a bushfire, did she say she “couldn’t” run a marathon? Hell no. She let go of her story, showed up, trained and became a badass Iron Man. As soon as you hear yourself making excuses for why you can’t achieve your dreams, it’s time to let go of that story and start living your reality.
“Life will give you whatever experience is most helpful for the evolution of your consciousness. How do you know this is the experience you need? Because this is the experience you are having at the moment.”
― Eckhart Tolle
How do I start to change my story?
You start within yourself. You start telling yourself that you ARE what you want to achieve. Using the power of current verbs to describe your goals, you can shift your mindset so significantly, that your brain truly believes you, and automatically starts to live it. So, instead of saying “I will train to be an Iron Man”, start saying “I am training to be an Iron Man”. Don’t just tell yourself. Tell the world. Tell your friends and family your new reality. Soon, your dreams will become your reality, and your old story will be a thing of the past.
“The primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation but your thoughts about it.”
― Eckhart Tolle
But I’m scared to try new things
Yep. Most people are. But there’s no truer quote than “Everything in this world is either growing or dying. It’s your choice to grow, or to die”. So start small steps to trying new things. You don’t have to be perfect. Start shit. You’ll get better. You’ll grow. You’ll learn. You’ll expand. Eventually, you will be exactly who and what you want to be. But you just have to start. Start today. Start right now. Just START!
“life shrinks and expands on the proportion of your willingness to take risks and try new things.”
― Gary Vaynerchuk
Start living a balanced life
Life is all about balance. Yin and Yang. Black and White. Up and Down. Fast and Slow. If you stay stuck in your story, you’ll never allow your story to be balanced into your reality. Start writing down all the shit in your life. And for everything that is shit, write down one thing that is awesome. Don’t stop until your page is full, and balanced. Don’t buy into your story that you have nothing awesome in your life. That’s bullshit. It’s not reality. Everyone has awesomeness in their lives, we all just have to be open to seeing it, recognising it and acknowledging it. It isn’t possible for humans to experience an emotion or feeling without having the exact opposite, balancing emotion. You don’t know you've put your hand into a cold bucket of water, unless you know what hot feels like. Everything is balanced, it just takes conscious awareness to start accepting it.
“When you know that bad things aren’t so terrible and good things aren’t so terrific, you can be quietly grateful for whatever occurs. Balance is neither pessimism nor optimism.”
― John F. Demartini
Stop Wishing for “more”
The most wonderful and life altering events have all started from a single thought. Not from objects. Bill Gates had a thought of creating a new computer. He didn’t start adapting a computer he already had. He started with a thought. And you can too. You don’t “need” a massive house or an expensive car. There are plenty of happy, achieving people living in boxes all around the world that are bloody thankful for their little haven. Go to some of the most underdeveloped communities in the world, they are happy with their worlds. They are happy with their lives. Stop living in a “scarcity mentality” and start living in an “abundance mentality”. You do have enough. You just need to start appreciating it.
“The moment you realize you already have everything you’re looking for, the universe gives it to you.”
― John F. Demartini
“Acknowledging the good that you already have in your life is the foundation for all abundance.”
― Eckhart Tolle
Finally, just start living!
Sure, you're going to fail initially. That's great. Because we don’t fail at things that we never try. Learn from your failures. Repeat after me “everything is happening FOR me, not TO me”. Every single failure, heart break, devastation is happening for you. It’s happening so you can learn from it. So stop whining and complaining about falling down. If you fall down, that’s because you were standing up. And standing up comes right before walking. And you need to walk before you can run. So be thankful for your falls. They are teaching you a lesson. Learn it, and move on. Step out of your comfort zone and start making the choice to show up and get our asses kicked. Because that is living.
“I want to be in the arena. I want to be brave with my life. And when we make the choice to dare greatly, we sign up to get our asses kicked. We can choose courage or we can choose comfort, but we can’t have both. Not at the same time.” Brene Brown
Life isn’t easy. No matter what path you choose to walk, it’s not easy. But no one said it should be. And if someone tells you life IS easy, tell them to fuck off, because they are full of shit. But the key is choosing your hard. Do you want to live a hard life, attached to your story of “woe is me” or are you going to choose the hard life where you are constantly striving for your goals and your dreams? Are you going to wake up each day tired of living your life? Or are you going to wake up ready to take on the world, going to bed tired because you’ve kicked arse all day? I know which hard I choose.
"In my thirties, I learned that there is a type of pain in life that I want to feel. It's the inevitable, excruciating, necessary pain of losing beautiful things: trust, dreams, health, animals, relationships, people. This kind of pain is the price of love, the cost of living a brave, openhearted life — and I'll pay it. There is another kind of pain that comes not from losing beautiful things but from never even trying for them." - Glennon Doyle
Do you have a story you need to break up with? What are your true hopes and goals? Let me know below, I'd love to hear them!
Love you all, Dee