Is your child “naughty”? Are they “disobedient”? Do they “defy” you and “challenge your authority”? Does your child need to be “disciplined, helped and fixed”?
What if I tell you there is nothing wrong with your child? What if I tell you that your child is not “broken”? What if I tell you that it’s actually YOU that’s the problem. It is YOUR broken perception of what your child “should” be that is the problem.
The definition of broken is “destroyed, unable to work, no longer functions as it is intended to function”.
Your child is functioning exactly the way THEY are intended to function. They are working exactly the way THEY are intended to work.
It doesn’t matter if your child has a diagnosis, a physical disability, an intellectual disability or whatever. Your child is working exactly the way THEY are intended to work. It’s your perception of what they SHOULD be that is no longer working.
The way your child behaves (misbehaves) or acts (reacts) is actually just a reflection of you and your behaviours or reactions. If you overreact to your child having a melt down and you rush to distract them or cheer them up, you are teaching your child that you don’t believe they are strong enough to deal with that big emotion, so you have to get them away from that big bad emotion as quickly as possible. The next time your child feels angry, instead of acting in a way that is “normal”, they react in a “broken” way such as violence, swearing or hurting others. If your child is acting in a way that is being perceived as being disobedient, combative, aggressive or dismissive, perhaps it's your expectations that need to be fixed, not the child.
It’s your perception of what they SHOULD be that is no longer working.
Children aren’t born to be fixed. They aren’t born to be vindictively disobedient. They aren’t born to defy you and make you mad. So if they are doing these kinds of behaviour, perhaps it's time to start spending some time on fixing yourself, not the child.
Have you heard this all before or if this a new concept to you. It’s completely new to me and I am so thankful for all of these lessons that I am learning along the way. Let me know what you think about this and if you want me to flick you any links that explain this in more depth.
Love you all, Dee